Countin my chickens...

I went to visit a client today at 10:00AM. I do Child Protective work for the State. This was not a "sit down and have coffee" kind of visit. On days like today I thank God that I'm not a rookie. During the first year or so it typically takes every ounce of emotional wherewithal to accomplish a visit like this. I have none of that today. None.

I had a hard time finding the apartment. Like many apartment complexes in Augusta there are many poorly numbered buildings that all look exactly the same. I finally found the right building and the hallway smelled like cigarettes and urine. I was getting frustrated until I saw two women standing by the window at the end of the hall...thought I might ask for their assistance in navigation.

Both women were in their pajamas. Both women were smoking a cigarette and the woman wearing the teddy bear nightshirt was drinking a beer. Sitting next to them on the floor was a baby girl. After I asked, they cordially directed me to the correct apartment. I instantly judged these people, not remembering that I wasn't there to see them and that it's none of my damn business how they choose to spend their morning.

I stepped out of the apartment complex onto black ice and promptly fell on my ass. Karma? Probably.

This job has aged me far beyond my years. I'm 25. I'm not supposed to be worried about how clean someone's house is or how appropriately someone dressed their children. I'm supposed to care about going out with my 20 something friends on Friday nights, drinking a beer on the weekend (hopefully not at 10:00Am), and being happy with the time that people are willing to devote to me. I don't feel like I have time to not worry. I worry about getting enough sleep.

Someone that I love very much said something to me recently. He said, "You're putting all of your eggs in my basket and I don't have very good balance." This was so painful for me to hear. I seem to have lost my own basket somewhere along the way.

I took a break for lunch. I had lunch with my friend Tim and we had a nice talk. I suddenly have realized that I haven't fucked my life up as much as I had thought. Thanks Tim.

I walked outside after we were done eating and realized that the sun was shining. And I didn't take any time to analyze why I hadn't noticed before. Cool.

I love you Justin.